


oh, i want pure thoughts in my head

by RayneSummer



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s04e01-02 The Darkest Hour, Gen, Post-part 2, not sure if this will have more or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28046487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayneSummer/pseuds/RayneSummer
Summary: Merlin is brought home after the veil, cold in more than just his body..maybe i'm still a stupid little boytoo weak to understand what will comei want to find peace of mindmaybe no mind is an answer to that conundrum.(writing not actually as dramatic as the song title)
Relationships: Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	oh, i want pure thoughts in my head

**Author's Note:**

> song: Momento Mori  
> .  
> in my life, will i make a difference?  
> in my death, will i be missed?  
> will i be granted some sort of an afterlife,  
> or will i just cease to exist?

Gaius heard the horses in the courtyard just before dark. The dorocha had stopped attacking for the last few nights, but Gaius couldn't share in the people's relief. He knew what they didn't - the price of this respite.

He had thrown himself into work, clearing away and recording the dead, telling families of a passing, and treating any wounds that had arisen from panicked citizens throughout the recent days. Gwen had been nearby most of the time, clearly trying to distract herself aswell. Neither of the two had voiced their concerns since the attacks had stopped. The whole of Camelot seemed to be holding its breath, waiting.

So when the sound of a returning entourage filled the quiet of the cold air, Gaius quickly rose from reading - another futile endeavour to stop thinking the worst - and nervously fiddled with some potion bottles on the table nearby. One of more of the group could be injured and he wanted to be ready.

But as ever, there was only so much preparation when it was personal, and his fears began to rise when the door opened and the first thing he noticed was the red cape of a knight that had an arm around the shoulders.

Gaius quickly stepped forward as Gwaine entered the room, the look on his face like nothing that had ever been presented by the usually outspoken man. Which almost certainly had something to do with how he supported Merlin with an arm around the warlock's waist and the other hand keeping Merlin's arm around his shoulders. The boy's head was down and he seemed barely conscious, just about managing to shuffle his feet as Gwaine helped him along.

"What happened?"

It was the immediate question to ask, but Gaius didn't wait for an answer; hurrying over to take Merlin's other elbow and lead the two towards a bed in the main room - he wanted the boy close until he knew what exactly was wrong.

Gwaine grimaced as he took most of Merlin's meagre weight when they lowered him onto the bed. He could just about sit up, eyelids fluttering as he struggled to stay aware, but Gaius gently pushed at his should, murmuring whether Merlin could hear or not, "Lay back."

He gestured for Gwaine to help put Merlin's legs on the bed so he was laying flat, and gently swiped a strand of hair away from Merlin's forehead as his eyes closed, unable to keep blackness at bay. The coolness of his forehead was immediately alarming, and a quick touch to his cheek and hand confirmed cold that was reminiscent of when he had collapsed at the feast days ago now.

"He's freezing." Gaius knew worry was bleeding into his words, something professionalism usually prevented, but this boy was his son in all but blood and was not meant to be laying cold and still.

"I know." Gwaine sounded frustrated. "But he wouldn't let us help him until we got back and he practically collapsed off his horse."

Gaius spared the knight a glance, seeing the tightness of his face, before repeating, "What happened?" As he fetched blankets from a cupboard and quickly covered the shivering boy with then. Gwaine helped a bit before stepping back as Gaius continuing examining his ward.

"He was hit by a dorocha," Gwaine eventually spoke up, voice as tight as his expression. Gaius immediately looked up in alarm.

"Are you sure?"

"Well Arthur saw it happen and afterwards..." He paused, clearly unsure of how to word something he would never forget. "He was so ill but somehow... not dead."

Gaius frowned down at Merlin as he breathed shallowly, unsure of how the boy had survived such a thing. He certainly looked awful, but on the side of hopefully recovering rather than dying. Gaius addressed the knight again, without taking his eyes off his ward.

"Are the others still out there? Did you bring him back alone?"

"No, Lancelot was doing that." There was something in Gwaine's voice at that. "But then... they turned up again, and Merlin was fine all of a sudden."

"So you completed the quest?"

"You could say that. Then on the way back, Merlin, he was clearly struggling but wouldn't talk to us or stop for long, not for anyone, even Arthur."

So Arthur was alive, Gaius thought absently. Outwardly, he nodded in understanding of the frustrated tone that was informing him. "Likely he couldn't let himself relax until he was home and safe," he murmured, sitting down on the edge of the bed since there was no stool nearby and reaching out to touch the back of his fingers to a cheek. The skin was still worryingly cold.

There was a pause as Gwaine just stood, gaze fixed on Merlin's pale face.

"Lancelot's dead."

Gaius looked up sharply. "What? How?"

The knight continued staring. "Apparently he walked into the veil." Finally he flickered his gaze to the physician, who was looking oddly resigned at the news. "Did it work?"

Gaius nodded absently, wearily, distracted as Merlin turned his head a small bit, but did not react further. After a moment, he looked back at the knight, tired eyes finding haunted ones. "Yes," he said quietly, "the dorocha have been banished."

Gwaine nodded shortly. "Good."

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this up on my phone several days ago and just looked at it again and decided with some editing it was good enough. Vague plans to add more but thought I'd leave it at this for now. It wasn't that dramatic but then I remembered this song and. That made it v dramatic. Fits though. Not sure if I'll follow it with deep stuff, but for now..  
> .  
> this fear makes me feel so naive  
> i wish that i could just forget  
> but i'm chilled by the redundancy of  
> thoughts collected, but not kept
> 
> video i found this song on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRafvS15Roo


End file.
